Big Dick Cheney

What would do more to get out the message that “Hummer Helps” than the rescue of the small, the helpless, the innocent? That’s why it’s such a clump of mud on the fender of the Hummer reputation that a Hummer was used in the slaughter of cute, round little birds. Here was the scene in 2003 shortly before the Vice President had his vacation spoiled when that clumsy Harry Whittington got himself shot in the face.

The increasingly low-profile V.P. was taken to Pittsburgh by Air Force Two earlier this week where his security detail loaded him and his favorite shotgun into a Humvee, and went to Rolling Rock Club in Ligonier Township, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. There, he and nine other hunting buddies shot at 500 ringneck pheasants, killing 417 of them. The V.P. was credited with offing 70 of the birds, as well as an unknown number of mallard ducks.

The shooting spree prompted an outraged letter from the Humane Society. This wasn’t a hunting ground. It was an open-air abattoir, and the vice president should be ashamed to have patronized this operation and then slaughtered so many animals,” Wayne Pacelle, a senior vice president of The Humane Society of the United States, wrote in a letter of protest, according to ThePittsburghChannel.com.

The V.P. is at it again, just last month according to Alternet, seeking a prey even less mobile than Harry.

Birds raised for canned hunts at gun clubs and in state “recreational” areas are grown in packed pens — think factory farmed chickens — and fitted with goggles so they won’t peck each other to death from the crowding. When released for put and take hunters like Cheney, pen raised birds can barely walk or fly — or see, thanks to the goggles. They don’t know how to forage or hide in the wild and sometimes have to be kicked to “fly” enough to be shot.

Think of how cool it would be if the Hummer Helpers swooped in and saved the little birds. And if they arrived too late to help, it would be very manly of them to pluck and gut the birds to feed the hungry. These birds should not die in vain, and there’s no way ten guys can eat 417 pheasants.

And if there’s any resemblance between a man who shoots tame birds and a man who drives a military vehicle to go to the supermarket it’s purely coincidental..

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2 responses

  1. One always wonders at the antics of fat cats killing fatter birds, both bloated and released for their pleasure. There is a bizarre similarity between the two of them, hunted and hunter, both unable to manage in other than a controlled environment–none of these fat cats would make it on a real hunt, just as the prey is so overfed and underexperienced that its life in the real world would be not much longer than it takes for the staged hunt to “wack” them. The issues are serious enough to demand attention: how much different is this crazines of the rich blood lust from the antics of moronic football players watching dogs fight and then bashing the losers dogs’ heads against a wall. This is all blood lust worth of Nero and perhaps these neo-Romans should be bit actors in the next Roman epic where gladiators Cheney and friends meets whatever perverse sports star is in the arena that week. One thing is fortunate however, Mr. Cheney managed not to shoot any of his friends, any of his Secret Service detail, or himself, just 70 helpless birds.

  2. This is great stuff Mr. Wolberg! Someone needs to do a cartoon of big Dick Cheney the pheasant. Send it to me and I’ll post it here.

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