Fox News was on this morning. They said the Federal Reserve was putting up $100,000 to buy the Kramdenâ€™s mortgage.
â€œThis isnâ€™t an unsecured loan,â€? said Ben Bernanke. â€œWeâ€™re taking the house as collateral. Itâ€™s our guiding principle to let the markets regulate themselves and let people and institutions take responsibility for their choices, but this is a special case.â€?
â€œThe Kramdenâ€™s house is situated on a lot that borders a block ravaged by foreclosure. A vacancy here will invite vandalism and demoralize the remaining homeowners. The whole neighborhood could crash. Additionally, the Kramdens have ten children.â€?
â€œTen children!â€? cried Brit Hume, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. â€œWhat a beautiful thing!â€?
â€œYesâ€?, choked Greta Van Susteren, â€œSarah Palin mailed the family a box of frozen mooseburgers in solidarity.â€?
â€œGod– sheâ€™d make an awesome Fox newscaster, she should have her own show.â€? They beamed for a moment.
We have Alice Kramden on camera now–
â€œRalph wanted to be here but heâ€™s driving the bus today. We just want everyone to know that we donâ€™t consider this a handout. For the last two years we have been paying interest only on our mortgage. With the 11% interest rate we will be paying now we hope that we will have enough of the principle paid off to get a conventional loan in five years. And we want to thank Sarah for the mooseburgers, we were going to give Spot to the pound because we couldnâ€™t afford to feed him.â€?
Then the story switched to a kid who had put most of her tuition on credit cards and was living in a cardboard box while still attending classes. Before she could speak I was jolted by a screeching alarm. I woke up and remembered that I never watch Fox News, so I put on my glasses, and got up to get a cup of coffee.