Why, Fluffy, Why?

sputnik squint

Fluffy

Why do I love you so? It’s not like you do anything useful. We don’t have mice.

That’s why you broke into the gerbil cage, I guess. But you dropped the gerbil unharmed as soon as I started choking you, so you’re a good cat.

And I know you have a sensitive stomach. You can’t help it. The vet said so. I’ve tried 27 different kinds of cat food. I’ll try them all, there has to be one you can digest. Meanwhile, I’ll just clean up after you.

It was a strain on my marriage when you vomited into the cable box, causing a 3 day sports channel blackout, but we’re past that now.

I was used to the routine, waking up to the sound of gagging, changing the litter so that you don’t pee on my paperwork, having you on my lap all the time except when I want you there — I know cats don’t come when they’re called. I thought I understood your feline needs.

But now this — I turn my back for a moment and you rip the keys off my laptop. It’s not even mine, it’s from work. And there was the N, the Y and the U, lying on the floor. I don’t know how I managed to snap them back on. It took a while.

What next? You sit on top of the refrigerator and gaze down at me so serenely. What are you thinking?

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4 responses

  1. You want an easy pet?Try an emperor scorpion-they are quiet,eat crickets(and their own offspring),spend most of their time lurking and hiding,have a very weak venom,and are non-aggressive.Years ago,my son owned one,and then moved to Philadelphia for awhile,so he left it at our house.
    They are a very ancient life form.

  2. Somehow I feel this cat should not be named Fluffy. He looks more like “killer” in the picture. But we all know how pictures can lie. Plus when you’re a cat, being a “killer” is a beautiful thing.

    Coming at this from a social worker’s perspective, it’s been rumored that Fluffy’s increase in delinquency may be related to your new empty-nester situation. I think cats notice when someone is not around as much.

    Is Fluffy a he or a she? Notice I assumed above it was a “he.” Hmmmm….

  3. Fluffy’s a ‘he’, mostly, but he doesn’t like anyone to mention that. I told him I was going to replace him with a giant emperor scorpion and he hissed at me. That’s a sign of affection, right?

  4. Nancy-go see “Frozen River”at the Avon.My wife and I saw it yesterday-it was a really outstanding film-it didn’t try to do too much,which made it all the more effective.Melissa Leo and an actress named Misty Upham,who I never saw previously were outstanding.
    I know this is off-topic,but whatever.

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