Captain Kirk Abandons Ship

Say it ain’t so! That majestic ship–the Columbus Theater–(the Enterprise is doing just fine), will have to sail on with its dedicated crew. The Captain hopped a life boat. Or pod. Whatever.

Too bad Captain Kirk can’t do something relativistic with the transporter and be in two places at once. William Shatner committed to an appearance at the Columbus, in Providence on Broadway and then canceled at the last minute.

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — William Shatner is not coming to the Columbus Theater Thursday to introduce his film, William Shatner’s Gonzo Ballet, and to accept the first Nathanael Greene Humanitarian Award from the Rhode Island International Film Festival.

“We even knew what flight he was going to be on,” said [George Marshall, founder and executive director of the 13-year-old film festival]. “He had even asked to have chilled red wine and ice water in his hotel refrigerator. We had a reception planned at the Aurora Club,” which is near the Columbus and where Shatner was going to stay for an hour or so between the presentation of his humanitarian award on stage and the screening of his film.

Jeeze. Maybe his movie is worth seeing. There’s no law of physics that says a great movie has to be made by nice people. (See my rant about Roman Polanski.).

But Mr. Shatner–I’m giving you fair warning. We are the smallest state. We update our will if we cross the border to Massachusetts. When our children move out, they move downstairs. But we are not to be disrespected. NYC had nothing on us for organization. We got Federal Hill. And our cops don’t take no lip either. We arrested Mick Jagger.

Maybe you think you are cooler than all of the Stones, whether Rolling or ambling along forgetfully, but you have some amends to make, and some bridges to repair (don’t drive one of your production trailers over 95 North in Pawtucket). Anyway–you make me mad.

The Columbus has worked hard to rehabilitate her reputation from Fallen Lady to respectable Art Cinema. And our independent film community isn’t rich. You dealt them a setback. How about a donation, a reparation, so that they don’t have to eat Spam for the next year. No offense to Spam, but if you’re eating it in a tent under Rt 195 it just don’t hit the spot.

If you do right, Mr. Shatner, the Del’s is on me.

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One thought on “Captain Kirk Abandons Ship

  1. Shatner posted this in Twitter:

    I’m… sorry… I just couldn’t… find… Providence… without Spock.
    ;-)

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