Blacklash

In a stunning exclusive, the New York Times reports that “it is official: Barack Obama is the nation’s first black president. A White House spokesman confirmed that Mr. Obama, the son of a black father from Kenya and a white mother from Kansas, checked African-American on the 2010 census questionnaire.” The Times noted that “Mr. Obama could have checked white, checked both black and white, or checked the last category on the form, ‘some other race,’ which he would then have been asked to identify in writing.”

Conservative pundits immediately criticized the President’s actions. Radio host Rush Limbaugh grumbled that “it is clear that Obama has disowned his white half. He’s decided he’s got to go all in on the black side.” Glenn Beck asserted that “this president, I think, has exposed himself as a guy, over and over and over again, who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture.” The Fox News host then concluded, “This guy is, I believe, a racist.” His comments were echoed by Mark Williams, a radio host and prominent leader of the Tea Party movement, who described Mr. Obama as “our half white, racist president.”

Philip J. Berg, an attorney who brought suit against the President challenging his citizenship, declared that “this proves that Obama is a fraud, a phony and…has put forth the biggest ‘HOAX’ in the history of our great nation. He’s made it plain that he identifies most with his African heritage. Why would he do that unless he were, first and foremost, an African?”

More moderate conservatives accused the President of political gamesmanship. “He’s wooing black and minority voters in an election year,” complained an unnamed G.O.P. spokesperson. “He’s trying to show up the Republicans just because they haven’t had an African-American in Congress since 2002. How is that fair?”

Wall Street reacted with massive selloffs, although shares of gunmakers Smith & Wesson and Sturm, Ruger & Co. rose sharply. Sporadic rioting was reported in rural Idaho and Texas.

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5 responses

  1. This kind of thing is why I’ve changed my race to ‘Celt’. No one knows what that is, really, so they can’t be prejudice against me.
    As far as which race box to check on a form, when I fill them out at work I ask the patient how they define their race and I write whatever they say. It has to do with respecting people’s right to define who they are. Also, we don’t have any scientific definitions of who is what race, and I hope the day will come when we are all judged by the content of our character.

    1. Ninja, it was SATIRE!
      And pretty damn funny, David.

      1. We Celts are dour. It’s a Celt thing. You wouldn’t understand.

  2. Hmm… which part of “White Culture” you think Obama hates?
    Sitting half-court at basketball games? Teaching law school? Smoking pot as a kid? Watching American Idol?

  3. Donald Wolberg | Reply

    Of course there are “scientific” definitions of the term “race” in a human or non-human context. These are easily available in all scientific literature in all languages in all countries. This has been the case since the term was defined and modified over the last 150 years of biological and anthropological science. It is a bit confusing when political/”correct” attempts to trump terms that have a basis in fact invade rational discussions. If one is not interested or too confused with regard to the term in a human context (present populations or extinct populations), or non-human animal or plant context, the significance of the term still remains in all biological and even anthropological literature of significance.

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