Laugh Out Loud


From Ellid via Daily Kos
comes a tale of a Christmas service gone horribly wrong…

Mum and I exchanged glances, and our friend June raised her eyebrows. June’s mother hissed, “This isn’t Lutheran!” and glared at the book fiercely enough that it’s a miracle it didn’t spontaneously combust in her hands. All around us people were wrinkling their brows and hesitantly singing along instead of making a joyful noise unto the Lord. It was not an auspicious beginning, and as we sat down Mum was muttering to June that this wasn’t close to the original German, which she’d studied in college.

There was more to come.

The Christmas Eve homily, which should have been based on the familiar story from Luke about the Holy Family in Bethlehem, was a rousing fire-and-brimstone call to repent and give one’s self to Christ to avoid the fires of hell and the horrors of the Last Judgment. Children who’d had visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads when they arrived at the church were shrieking in terror, while their parents stared in shock at their alleged shepherd preaching about the Apocalypse instead of Advent.

Mrs. Heley looked like she’d swallowed a lemon, whole.

The rest is hilarious. And that’s not all! If you link to Ellid now, you’ll get a bonus book review of that classic of American literature, ‘The Da Vinci Code’!

If this isn’t enough proof of Dan Brown’s mastery of English letters, consider the billions and billions many, many, many chapters, some only a few paragraphs, that make this book so easy to read while standing in line to have one’s junk touched by bored TSA workers in airports. And names like “Leigh Teabing” which sound like a rejected brand of Twining’s oolongs are so much more realistic than “Frodo” or “Tess.” And what’s not to love about a book where the female lead turns out to be not only the granddaughter of the murdered curator but a direct lineal descendant of the Merovingians AND Jesus H. Christ and his charming young wife Mary M. Christ?

Read the rest here. And let nothing you dismay.

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