Category Archives: Mommy Notes

Obituary for My Mother, Ann Marie (Nancy) Stoppleworth

Posted on by Kiersten Marek

Ann Marie (Nancy) Stoppleworth passed away on July 22, 2011 in Providence, RI. She was born in Waterbury, Connecticut, on August 3, 1925, the oldest daughter of Mary and William Dwyer. Nancy was a graduate of Saint Francis Nursing School for her RN, Georgetown University for her Bachelors degree in Nursing, and The University of Connecticut for her Masters degree in Anthropology. She joined the convent twice as a young woman before choosing to live the secular life. She married Leland J. Stoppleworth on July 5, 1958, and was the mother of seven children.

Nancy led a successful career as a nurse and nursing administrator, serving as a nurse in many hospitals, visiting nursing services, and finally as the Chief of Nursing for the State of Connecticut Mental Health Services. Nancy was a devout lifelong Catholic who carried out the church’s mission of charity in myriad ways including serving the homeless in soup kitchens and shelters, caring for poor families in the community, participating in prayer groups and prayer lines for the sick, traveling to Haiti for charitable mission work, and establishing charitable annuities for medical and educational purposes with Maryknoll Sisters and Salesian missions.

In 2004, Nancy donated 55 acres of land to the town of Tolland, Connecticut in order to create the Stoppleworth Conservation area, a pristine and beautiful open space for all to enjoy. Nancy was a lifelong journal-writer, who left behind scores of honest and brave reflections on her many life dilemmas, successes, and concerns. She loved reading and knowledge, swimming in Bolton Lake, going to the beach, and spending time with her children and grandchildren.

She is survived by two sisters, Helen Stephenson and Lyn Jacoby, who reside in California, and six of her seven children: Laura Reave and husband Robert Reave of London, Ontario; Amalia Delorenzo of Guerneville, California; Anne Weber and husband Garry Weber of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Maria Dugan and husband Douglas Dugan of Brooklyn, New York; John Stoppleworth and wife Janice Kloo of Manchester, Connecticut; and Kiersten Marek and husband Kevin Marek of Cranston, Rhode Island. Her youngest child, Angela, died in childhood due to a muscular disease. She is also survived by grandchildren Melanie Reave; Seth Martel; Bryan, Paul, and Charles Weber; Elena, Avra, Isaiah and Patrick Dugan; and Katrina and Kalliana Marek.

Services for Nancy will take place at Church of the Ascension, 390 Pontiac Avenue, Cranston at 10 am on Wednesday, July 27, with reception to follow. Donations in lieu of flowers may be made to Maryknoll Sisters, P.O. Box 311, Maryknoll NY 10545.

Calling Hours will be from 6 – 8 PM at our home at 109 Waterman Avenue on Tuesday evening. Please send an email to me if you are planning to come.

The Warrior in All of Us

Posted on by Kiersten Marek

Oh, the warriors within us!  Longfellow said it eloquently:  ”If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s … suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” Indeed.  And yet, we do find many things to argue about.  Usually it’s not so much about the subject as it is about someone being on your turf.

As parents we spend a certain amount of energy interacting with our warrior children — hopefully this is only a small part of your relationship, but sometimes it can go on for too long, and it might be worth further exploring your internal warrior — the part of you that engages quickly in conflict, the part that escalates even as you know it isn’t good, not right or healthy or even sane.

Same holds true for marriages.  Hopefully you are not spending the majority of your time interacting with your partner’s warrior, but we’ve all been there, and when it gets really ugly, it’s no fun.  John Gottman talks about the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse and one of them is “contempt.”  When the conflict gets to the point that you genuinely begin to feel contempt for your partner, it’s time to get help.

I enjoy helping clients explore the parts of them that get in the way of harmonious relationships, the parts that bring more conflict into their lives than they need or want. Sometimes what lies beneath the fightin’ mad part of us is a very interesting part — a creator or a fool or an innocent — who wants to enjoy life or work at something more important.  But with the warrior always being in conflict, these other archetypes don’t get the time and attention that they deserve.

(cross-posted from my private practice site.)

 

One of the 8,000 Chemicals You Should Definitely Avoid

Posted on by Kiersten Marek

There is a growing awareness, particularly in our younger generation, that we need to do something about the 8,000 chemicals in our environment that are floating around unregulated. I am hoping for a generation of young warriors who will bring some level of safety standards to our environment and make sure chemical companies pay their fair share for the do-over. One particular chemical that I am joining Dr. Mercola in focusing on is an “anti-foaming agent” that is put on McDonald’s Chicken Mcnuggets. From the good doctor:

Do you put dimethylpolysiloxane, an anti-foaming agent made of silicone, in your chicken dishes?

How about tertiary butylhydroquinone (TBHQ), a chemical preservative so deadly that just five grams can kill you?

These are just two of the ingredients in a McDonalds Chicken McNugget. Only 50 percent of a McNugget is actually chicken. The other 50 percent includes corn derivatives, sugars, leavening agents and completely synthetic ingredients.

I will admit to eating my share of chicken McNuggets over the years, and I’ve noticed that they have a weird bitter aftertaste, particularly when cold. Well, just one more reason to try to avoid fast food and processed foods whenever possible.

Wages O’ Sin

Posted on by ninjanurse

Just a typical 20-year-old girl who might go to college. A good girl who made a bad choice, but now talks to teens about abstinence.

Bristol Palin bought a house with $172,000 in cash.

God bless America, land of opportunity. If only more young people would follow her example.

In related news, Nadya Suleman, aka Octomom, is facing eviction from the house where she raises 14 children in four bedrooms. She can’t keep up with the mortgage.

Sarah Palin should invite her to Alaska. The exposure would translate into income, which Ms. Suleman badly needs. Show some charity, Sarah, help a fellow celebrity. She can boost your reality show too, it’s all good.

And let’s send a Christmas wish to the original owners of the Bristol house, who paid twice what she paid, and got foreclosed. Tough luck for making ‘bad choices’. I can’t find any info about them on the net. They could have been among the many who bought houses during the real estate bubble, only to find themselves with an underwater mortgage. After the crash, in the normal course of things, rich people will pick up bargains. It’s the way of nature, like a daughter grizzly eating a baby moose.

Laboring for Health

Posted on by David Jaffe

Since it’s Labor Day, it seems only fitting to share a news item relevant to those who truly know what it is like to endure labor, mothers. The article, which is a couple of weeks old (making it ancient in the Information Age), concerns a potential link between prenatal exposure to pesticides and the future development of attention deficit disorders. That such a link may exist is not entirely surprising. But it is alarming nonetheless. We live amid a multitude of toxins, which individually and in combination may impact the most vulnerable among us in ways that we cannot always imagine or appreciate. At least, not until the body of scientific data and the resulting public uproar become too powerful to ignore. In the meantime, it pays to be attentive and cautious.

From U.S. News & World Report:

Pesticide Exposure in the Womb Increases ADHD Risk

Exposure to pesticides while in the womb may increase the odds that a child will have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, according to researchers at the University of California-Berkeley School of Public Health. Combine that with research published in May in Pediatrics finding that children exposed to pesticides were more likely to have ADHD, and it’s enough to make parents wonder how to reduce their family’s exposure to pesticides.

The California researchers are studying the impact of environmental exposures on the health of women and children who live in the Salinas Valley, an agricultural region with heavy pesticide use. They tested the urine of pregnant women for pesticide residue, and then tested the behavior of their children at ages 3½ and 5. The 5-year-olds who had been exposed to organophosphate pesticides while in the womb had more problems with attention and behavior than did children who were not exposed. What’s more, the heavier the pesticide exposure, the more likely that the child would have symptoms of ADHD . The results were published online in Environmental Health Perspectives.

This isn’t proof that pesticides cause ADHD, but since organophosphate pesticides are neurotoxins that kill pests by disrupting neurotransmitters that carry signals though the brain, it’s easy to imagine that exposure to organophosphate might interfere with brain function and development. [full article]

E-News from Church of the Ascension

Posted on by Kiersten Marek

I started an interview with the pastor of my church, Fr. Greg Lisby, and then, in the midst of the interview, his laptop (with all his labor-intensive answers to my questions, as well as many of his sermons and many other precious things) was stolen. So we are in the process of re-interviewing.

I drove by the Lutheran church in Frankenmuth, Michigan many times over the past several days (we were visiting family there) and the marquee said, “Pray to God daily — he has answers!” Hopefully he can supply some answers for Greg to make it easy for him to redo the interview — and may God bless that poor soul who stole the laptop. And may the laptop turn up soon at a pawn shop, unerased.

In lieu of a full interview with Fr. Lisby, I am currently providing a small excerpt from the E-News with Church of the Ascension, which highlights Evensong, the performance of the diocesan youth choir at St. Luke’s this Sunday at 5 pm:

Youth Choir Festival Evensong

Please join with children of Church of the Ascension who will be singing in the Diocesan Youth Choir on Sunday, April 26th @ 5PM, at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church in East Greenwich, RI.

The combined choirs from around the diocese all use the Royal School of Church Music Program that our parish has applied for a grant to start this Fall.

See you there! Also, you may be interested in learning about how to start a music program at your own church. If so:

If you are interested in learning more about this program, you are invited on Saturday, April 25th @ 11AM (St. Luke’s, East Greenwich) to learn more about this exciting program. The national director of the Royal Music program, Dr. Cynthia DeDakis, will present information on how parishes can start this wonderful music program for children in their parishes.

PS. While we await the interview, here is a picture of Fr. Greg with his younger soon-to-be fully adopted daughter, Miriam.

fr-greg-and-miriam1

Preschoolers Store Info and Use As Needed

Posted on by Kiersten Marek

Here is an enlightening piece of research for those of us raising the strange little creatures known as preschoolers, and those of us providing treatment to families raising the little barbarians as well. Research by Colorado Professor Yuko Munakata suggests that three-year-olds are often listening when you give them directions — they simply choose to ignore you until there is evidence that the directions are needed. From Science Daily:

“… For example, let’s say it’s cold outside and you tell your 3-year-old to go get his jacket out of his bedroom and get ready to go outside. You might expect the child to plan for the future, think ‘OK it’s cold outside so the jacket will keep me warm,’ ” said Chatham. “But what we suggest is that this isn’t what goes on in a 3-year-old’s brain. Rather, they run outside, discover that it is cold, and then retrieve the memory of where their jacket is, and then they go get it.”

Munakata doesn’t claim to be a parental expert, but she does think their new study has relevance to parents’ daily interactions with their toddlers.

“If you just repeat something again and again that requires your young child to prepare for something in advance, that is not likely to be effective,” Munakata said. “What would be more effective would be to somehow try to trigger this reactive function. So don’t do something that requires them to plan ahead in their mind, but rather try to highlight the conflict that they are going to face. Perhaps you could say something like ‘I know you don’t want to take your coat now, but when you’re standing in the yard shivering later, remember that you can get your coat from your bedroom.”

I would argue that this tendency to ignore advice until there is evidence to support its necessity extends beyond preschool — I still go through this with my nine-year-old! The point is, you can probably save your breath and a lot of extra annoyed feelings by accepting that your small child’s brain does not operate in a way that tends to accept futuristic warnings. Showing them what will happen if they don’t listen, or helping them imagine the scenario of how they will benefit if they heed your directions, will probably be more effective than just repeating yourself ad nauseum.

(cross-posted on my psychotherapy site at kierstenmarek.com)

Baby Girl Born Mid-Flight Netherlands to Boston

Posted on by Kiersten Marek

Of all the things that can happen on a plane, here’s one I hadn’t imagined, until now:

Baby born during trans-Atlantic flight to Boston

BOSTON (AP) — There were 124 passengers on Northwest Airlines Flight 59 when it left the Netherlands. There were 125 when it landed in Boston.

A woman went into labor and gave birth to an apparently healthy baby girl over the Atlantic Ocean during the eight-hour flight Wednesday from Amsterdam, said Phil Orlandella, a spokesman for Logan International Airport.

The plane landed without incident in Boston about 10:30 a.m., and the mother and baby were immediately taken to Massachusetts General Hospital, Orlandella said.

“It was wonderful,” Dr. Paresh Thakker, a family physician from Methuen, Mass., who assisted with the mid-air delivery, told reporters at the airport. “Happy New Year for everybody in the family.”

Orlandella said for customs’ purposes, the baby was considered a Canadian citizen because she was born in Canada’s airspace. He could not confirm media reports that the mother was a Ugandan national.

“The spirit of America is alive and everybody was there to help,” said Dr. Natarajan Raman, an oncologist from Minneapolis who also helped deliver the baby, told reporters at the airport.

“It is always a joy to see a newborn baby and I was glad I was able to help,” said Raman. “At the end of it, (the mother) thanked me. She seemed a little exhausted.”

Happy New Year, little one, and may “the American spirit” of everyone helping out herald in a better 2009.

Loves Children

Posted on by ninjanurse

Forty-four year old Livia Ionce of Canada, originally from Romania, gave birth to her 18th child last week. Mrs. Ionce is not quoted in the AP article, but this is what her husband had to say…

“We never planned how many children to have. We just let God guide our lives, you know, because we strongly believe life comes from God and that’s the reason we did not stop the life,” said Alexandru Ionce.

Just once I want to hear from the wife. I want her to say that she adores being pregnant, loves children, and can’t get enough. I want her to say that she has plenty of time for each one and is doing exactly what she wants.

While it’s true that we are overpopulated, it’s a big world and I’d be the last one to tell a couple how many children they should have. It’s a very personal decision and I’m not offering to babysit, so what’s it to me?

But every time someone makes news by having a huge family they say that God made them do it. Don’t they want the kids for themselves? It’s not some kind of penance, is it? Or some kind of witness to an unbelieving world?

Like I said, it’s their business, but I hope they take the kids out for ice cream once in a while after church.

Don’t Make Decisions on a Tired Brain

Posted on by Kiersten Marek

(cross-posted from my private practice site.)

This article from Scientific American describes new research that suggests that if you wear your brain out with executive function activities, you might not want to make any big decisions right away. Even using your executive function for mundane self-control such as avoiding eating foods that are not good for you or following directions that tell you to ignore something that is mildly interesting, may have the effect of making you more susceptible to errors in judgment in subsequent decision-making.

This is news, but it also contains a message as old as human consciousness itself: when you are tired, rest. Forcing yourself to stay awake and perform tasks is a good way to end up making serious mistakes. Of course, taking a rest is often easier said than done. But bear in mind the option of putting off decision-making or major confrontations or attempts to solve seemingly-entrenched problems until you can come at them with a brain fully loaded with fresh executive function capability.

There’s also a wise old message for parents hidden in this research: put your children to bed. Help them settle down when they are tired. Do not try to discipline them or force them to use their executive function skills if it is the end of the day and they are unraveling. Better to let them get a good night’s sleep and start something challenging the next day, even if it means getting up earlier in the morning to make sure something is done for school.