There’s lots of internet reviews of Lori Gottleib’s book, ‘Marry Him’.

Rare is the book that infuriates and captivates like Lori Gottlieb’s latest. From its unapologetic goal — to help unhappy single ladies get hitched! — to its grabby, “oh no she didn’t” title (“Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough”), women haven’t argued about a dating book so ferociously since we first learned he just wasn’t that into us. “Surprisingly, unnervingly convincing,” wrote Alex Kuczynski at O magazine, while over at the Daily Beast, Liesl Schillinger tarred it as “whining, capricious, corrosive.” In the meantime, Tobey Maguire’s production company snapped up the movie rights, and Gottlieb has been interviewed everywhere from Dr. Phil to the “Today” show.

Okay, I have a mathematical problem with this. Where are the swarms of guys just dying to be some women’s ‘good enough’? Are they the ones with ‘born too loose’ tattooed on their bicep? Or maybe some Chinese character that translates as ‘turkey’?
If there are really that many men looking to get married, you’d think they’d circulate around until they found some woman who considered them a first choice.

There’s lots of married guys who never get mistaken for Brad Pitt, but their wives think they’re handsome. I mean, you can’t just sort people like eggs, Grade A or Grade B or whatever. What self-respecting man would marry a woman who thinks he’s second best?

I remember a local news story several years ago. A police officer, I think, though I’m not sure. Anyway, he invited a woman to a rendezvous. Not at a motel. That would have cost money. He met her in a car parked behind a motel. Then, in his careless passion he set off the canister of Mace on his belt, forcing the couple to flee the car coughing and gagging, spewing fumes and attracting much unwanted attention.

That’s what happens when you settle.

Lori Gottleib won’t have to settle. If her book makes the best-seller list she’ll have lots of opportunities to meet guys. Then she’ll get serious and tie the knot with one of them. She’ll tell him that she loves him, and they’ll live it up on the bucks she made telling women to resign themselves to the marked-down rack of relationships. Everyone will say they make a lovely couple. And it’s only in the insomniac hours around three a.m. that he will wonder.

Did she take her own advice?

Alert readers will note that in all the essays I’ve written about the controversy over prostitution in Rhode Island, I’ve never said it was a ‘victimless crime’. I’ve tried to make that distinction that opposing the arrest of prostitutes does not mean there’s no harm to the practitioners and the community in the proliferation of ’spas’ and ‘clubs’ in our state.

It is rather from the perspective of harm reduction that I argue against making prostitution a crime. I think that putting people outside the law drives them further from help. Also, these laws have not helped victims in other states as far as I can see. I hope I’m wrong, good friends tell me that arrest is the first step to rescue. I’ll be happy to see that, if it happens.

I’ve been working on an essay called, ‘The Chinese Laundry, the Irish Maid’ about work stereotypes. Yes, in America my great-grandmother actually was an Irish maid, my grandfather was an Irish cop, my friend’s father actually did run a Chinese laundry. For immigrants the natural course of action is to start off in an occupation where you are accepted. Usually this is not brain surgeon, unless you are an Indian doctor.

I’m not against hard work. I’ve cleaned plenty of toilets in my life, for minimum wage. There’s no shame in that.

But what happens when a woman faces hard labor at less than a living wage on one hand, and constant recruitment to a less ethical, but high paying life on the other? What happens when the marketing of minority women as ‘exotic’ colors the perception of honest, hard working women who happen to be the targeted race?

Racialicious has an essay that says it so well. It’s not about prostitution, but the ‘dating sites’ that offer Asian women. It’s not safe for work, it’s angry and passionate and cuts through the nonsense and racism with a bright sword of truth.

So just go to the source, and read it firsthand.

Almost everyone has heard Langston Hughes’ poem, ‘A Dream Deferred’, and a few of his other short poems.

At least that’s what I learned in high school. Without context or access to the whole body of his work, I didn’t recognize his greatness as a poet. That all changed about three years ago when I accepted an invitation to participate in the Langston Hughes Annual Community Poetry Reading. This year was the fifteenth, organized by Anne Edmunds Clanton and sponsored by the RISD Museum of Art.

It’s an honor, and kind of scary to read. Many of the readers are actors, musicians, teachers and storytellers. The Mayor of Providence reads a poem. This year featured storyteller Len Cabral, Jamele Adams, teacher and poet, actor Ramona Bass-Kolobe, Anne Clanton (a formidable presence) and many other accomplished and experienced performers. Pretty daunting company and a high bar. The Daniel Ian Smith Trio provides jazz improvisation and background for those who want their reading set to music.

Hearing Hughes’ poems read out loud for two hours I discovered how they work together. Each short piece relates to others, forming a whole that reflects the Harlem he lived in and loved. That reflects the country he loved. Patriotism runs through his work, the desire to see America truly be a nation of liberty and justice for all.

Last year’s reading happened right after the inauguration of President Obama. This year, Hughes’ themes of unemployment, long workdays, struggling to pay the rent, all hit uncomfortably close to home. His poem, ‘Birmingham Sunday’ about the bombing that killed four little girls in 1963, does not rest easily in the past.

That poem, and others, can be read here. His books remain in print.

The sixteenth is planned for February 2011, check out RISD for details.

I get hives every time I see good-looking blond people described as having ‘All-American’ looks. Maybe because my hair was brown, and darn it– I’m just as American as they are.

That’s just one of the layers of weird in this story from the Orlando Sentinal. You really have to follow the link and look at the pictures to appreciate what the fuss is about.

Florida Family Policy Council is raising an alarm because a judge awarded custody of a one-year-old boy to a relative who has been caring for him– Vanessa Alenier who lives with her partner, Melanie Leon. The judge, after listening to testimony from family, teachers and social workers, decided the placement was in the best interest of the child, which is the only thing that matters.

Or should be, The FPC is calling this ‘arrogant judicial activism’. How many children have they helped, I wonder?

Back to the ‘All-American’ angle, Drudge Retort that posted this story used the headline ‘Ugly Lesbians’. It seems that the devious Florida lesbian couple had the nerve to cunningly disguise themselves as conventionally pretty slim blond women with nice haircuts and a pleasant appearance. So the FPC found a photo of two other women who were less conventional-looking and frowning. Considering how the word ‘ugly’ is thrown at any woman who doesn’t blend in, it doesn’t surprise me the women look kind of defiant. Scott Maxwell who covers the story uses quite unkind language in describing two women who certainly never consented to have their image used this way.

I think this could be a whole area of discussion in itself, that gay or straight you had better put on some lip gloss if you want to dodge personal insults.

It also speaks to the fundamental dishonesty of some fundamentalists. When you paint the world in black and white there’s no room for colored people. Pretty blond women can’t really be lesbians. A president who wants to share a little more of our national wealth with the lowest wage workers must be a socialist. Health care can’t really be about responsibility and justice, it’s about death panels.

When reality doesn’t match their prejudices, a little white lie is only a venial sin. They don’t consider themselves ‘reality based’ anyway. That’s for those of us who have to live in the real world and mix with all kinds.

UPDATE: More on this from Salon. The Family Policy Council has issued its standard non-apology. One question no one’s asking. Who are the women in the picture? Clearly they did not agree to have their picture used as poster children for ‘ugly lesbians’. So who stole the picture, and wouldn’t those women have every right to sue?

AND ANOTHER THING: ‘Children Raised by Lesbians Do Just Fine, Studies Show’ is a headline from LiveScience. But ’science’ is a four letter word with some people.

A case is working its way through the courts that shows so much about human nature. We crave heroes, we follow leaders, we believe in transformation…

James Arthur Ray is transforming the way the world thinks. As an internationally-renowned Personal Success Strategist, Visionary and New York Times Best-Selling Author who has traveled the globe dedicating over two decades of his life to studying the thoughts, actions, and habits of those who create true wealth in every area of their life, James delivers his practical teachings to hundreds of thousands of individuals and business leaders every year.

Blind faith had terrible consequences…

Motivational speaker James Arthur Ray pleaded not guilty Thursday to three counts of manslaughter at his first court appearance since being charged with causing three deaths at an Arizona sweat lodge ceremony he led.

Ray was more than a speaker. He promised wealth and health, getting very rich and making influential friends. His website includes testimonials from people who raised their personal income and lowered their body fat, while having quality spiritual experiences. He could play politics as well…

With all the buzz around health care right now, it’s surprising to me that no one’s really talking about personal responsibility or the prevention of sickness versus the treatment of sickness.
That’s why I’ve put together a this FREE 5-course video program designed to help you invest in your greatest wealth: Your health!
By enrolling in Taking Personal Responsibility, I’ll show you what it takes to be truly healthy…

Well, you won’t need that government health care, will you?

Every year it can be expected that some high school kid will be run to death by a trusted coach who was trying to toughen up the team. Every year some college kids will die trying to belong to some fraternity. Initiation by ordeal is an ancient human practice. It’s in our nature to want to belong, to want to prove ourselves, to bond around an intense experience.

It’s very hard to get up and walk away. I imagine even more difficult for those poor people who were weak and dizzy with dehydration. Most of us, if we admit it, at some point went along with something that was dangerous, because it was hard to break the influence of the group.

The sweat lodge is a traditional Native American religious ritual. It’s notable that Native Americans are not generally the wealthiest or healthiest citizens. It seems that the money is in appropriating and marketing the rituals, not living by them.

About a half dozen American Indians attended Thursday’s court hearing and told reporters that Ray’s ceremonies and others like them violate their way of life.

“It’d be like for me to put on a costume and say I’m the Pope,” said J.R. Packhorse, who practices in tribal courts in Arizona. “It takes years, it takes time to learn how to do these ceremonies properly, how we can do them where people are healed. We’re here to make sure a man who has been imitating us is dealt with.”

Reality hit three people who believed in James Arthur Ray like a brick wall. He maintains his innocence.

It’s a New Age saying that ‘you create your own reality’. I’ve never believed that. We are only human. We don’t create anything.

We can make the best of the circumstances we are in, and collectively accomplish great things. This is the opposite view to the prevailing one, that our collective life is hopeless and our best refuge is privatization. Add religion and you have a guru of personal responsibility leading a group into mortal danger, promising that by some magic reality can be shaped to our convenience.

Kiersten had a good post about positive thinking, here.

There’s a lot of buzz on the internet about a brilliant political satire masquerading as a campaign ad. I’ll link to it here.

What? It’s not a joke?

Too bad. Anyway, it’s the first thing that’s made me laugh all week.

GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE: Wonkette points out that the fate of sheep is to get slaughtered, or at the very least, fleeced. So why would we want to be one of the flock?

At $549.00 just to get in the door, is the Tea Party convention really a grass-roots gathering?

CNN has an interesting article on the for-profit organization behind it.

Just a question for you real American men. Not men like ‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber’ or ‘Jeff Gannon’. I’m thinking more like Scott Brown, the senator with ‘available’ daughters. Would you want some guy with a drug history and possibly an odorous leaking sore in his personal area to be staring at and judging your daughter as she parades around undressed?

Well, heck yes! It’s the Miss America pageant.

Rush Limbaugh, the man credited with popularizing the term “feminazi,” says he’s a fan of the women’s movement — “especially when walking behind it.”

Hey, only one lucky girl will be Miss America, but who knows how many will get to be Mrs. Limbaugh. It’s three and counting so far.

At the risk of being called a ‘feminazi’, this writer calls the whole thing ‘An Obscene Spectacle’.

The Huffington Post puts out a lot of strange but true news. Sometimes it puffs up the strange. Maybe they need a ‘yellow press’ box for the entertaining but unsubstantial stories they run.

Like this one, claiming a rising trend in Wall Street bankers joining ‘Fight Clubs’.

Yeah, as if. I’m not knocking Martial Arts, which most of the bankers seem to be taking classes in. I attended Dojos on and off for twenty years, due to being scared. Martial Arts enriched my life in ways that still bless me today, couch potato that I am. I recommend that course of study to anyone. Find a good Sensei.

But, you know, Martial Arts with a good Sensei is one of the safest ways to spend your time. Really.

My un-expert opinion, based on when I worked in an emergency room, is that Basketball is the most dangerous sport. Lots of sprained ankles and black eyes. I did see a guy whacked with nunchuks, and you don’t want to be within range of that. But Football and Martial Arts did not often come our way. Maybe the Sensei did Chinese medicine in the Dojo. Whatever.

I can tell you about dangerous though.

When I worked in a nursing home on the evening shift, 3pm-11:30pm (no free lunch), I was trying to cover the floor, and asked ‘Beatrice’ a nurses aide, if she could stay a few minutes extra. She told me she had to catch the last bus. She had to be at the stop on North Main Street before midnight to get to Manton where she lived. I offered her a ride home, but she said she’d be fine. She just smiled. I knew she had survived a civil war in her country of birth. She’s one of Rhode Island’s immigrants.

Months later I was talking with her again. Beatrice had taken classes, at her own expense, to get certified as a med-tech. She had a part-time job at a facility that paid her for an hour in the morning to do the med pass. She had to take a bus across town,–all that time and money for one hour’s wage. I told her that I thought it was unreasonable, but she said she wanted a chance to work as a med-tech and she needed the money.

I eventually left that nursing home job, and the next Fall I was friendly with a political campaign. I got an email that they were having a fundraiser at a posh restaurant. Partaayyy! Free food! It was on North Main St., a convenient bus stop from my house. I didn’t think too much about what I was wearing, I just hopped on the bus and went out for a social time.

It was panic time! I walked into that restaurant and knew right away I was out of my league. Everyone was elegant and Old New England and I was fat, and wearing off-brand jeans and a big shirt. I wanted to turn around and leave, but there was a name-tag line at the entrance, and I knew the candidate, and people were waving me through. To flee would have been bad form. I, in my person was bad form. This is why they serve drinks at these functions. A wise custom.

What could I do? I drifted around, people were so nice. Kind of like I was one of something they wanted to be nice to. You know, middle-class means never being sure which side you come down on. But I’ll take manners over boorishness any day. Better to talk than to shout. You might actually have a conversation.

A nice glass of wine and a few snacks later, I found myself taking to a mildly flirtatious older gentleman. It was sweet he took an interest, and I made a point of being pleasant and respectful to his wife when she came over to check out the situation.

I was eating Thai chicken-on-a-stick when I looked out the window and saw Beatrice walking by. I wanted to run out and say, “Beatrice, free food here! It’s the good stuff!”

But she walked by fast, probably hoping to make the bus tunnel in time to catch the next.

Is there a lower, middle and upper to American life? Or are we all human resources? Applied where needed and discarded when not?

Is a bonded and insured gymnasium a dangerous place to be? I’ll take my chances, should I ever move in those circles.

All you Wall Street bankers, if you want to face the terror, picture yourself on Manton at 5:45am, waiting for the downtown bus. Picture yourself at work, asking this question– “Do you want fries with that?”

Once you go down that slippery slope, allowing chess lessons and knitting circles, it’s only a matter of time before people are openly promoting education in the middle of downtown Pawtucket.

I knew something was up when I saw a bright, shiny new yoga studio. Don’t try and pretend there won’t be yoga classes, flagrantly advertised no doubt.

With all the yoga and chess and Flying Shuttles weaving, not to mention a Public Library just blocks away, there’s no stopping the expansion of education.

Pleasure and health are nice, too, but that was never the issue. Megan Andelloux won her case before the zoning board, in spite of enemies who would rather use quotation marks in emails than honest argument.

The surreal debate, which comprised hours of harping on the illegality of education in a multi-use commercial building, was covered by this reporter here.

Good luck, Megan. I hope you will show a way out of the dehumanization and commercialization of our deepest desires and feelings on one hand, and the condemnation and shaming of our physicality on the other. A tall order, but you won your battle with the zoning board, and beat opponents who dealt in innuendo, but who never bothered to show at the hearing.