The Dark Roots of Orly Taitz

Like unwanted facial hair that keeps on sprouting, Orly Taitz is back in the news with her birther conspiracy theories– now embellished to fit changing circumstances.

I’d like to know why the press is side-stepping the question we all want to ask. Does she, or doesn’t she?

Can Orly Taitz prove she is a natural-born blonde? Although her defenders will try to debunk each separate finding, the preponderance of evidence suggests that she is trying to conceal her natural color. Why? We can only assume the worst.

The following sources have asked to remain anonymous because they are afraid of Chuck Norris, so with respect for their personal safety I will protect their identities while publishing their allegations–

An immigrant from Moldova said she saw a lock of Orly’s baby hair that her mother saved in a box and it was light brown. Science tells us that babies’ hair gets darker as they grow up. It would be highly unlikely that Orly’s hair changed from brown to blonde.

An expert beautician who watched the interview on MSNBC was quoted, “It’s definitely a dye job. I think she’s got extensions too.”

A former patient claims that while immobilized in the dentist chair she had nothing else to look at except Dr. Taitz’s face, which was inches away, “Her roots were starting to show at the temples, her hair is dark, with some grey, and she fluffs it out with a ton of hair spray.”

A source who refused to be quoted directly claims he recently sold her a blonde wig.

While it’s true that many women (and more men than admit it) color their hair, Dr. Tait’s political activism leads to more ominous interpretations. I don’t yet have any, but as soon as I make some up I’ll post them.

This is for real — I just saw on Salon.com that Orly Taitz’s site contains malware. I went to her site while researching this post and shortly after a pop-up window tried to install an antivirus without my invitation. I hit control-alt-delete, hope that stopped it.

UPDATE- Bill from Portland, Maine has a quote from President Obama–

“I was actually born on the planet Krypton and sent by my father, Jor-El, to save Earth.”

This contradicts the evidence that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, unless the relativistic effects of faster-than-light travel make it possible for him to arrive in Kenya before he was born on Krypton. It’s a complicated issue, but fortunately Orly Taitz is an attorney and she can explain how this pertains to Constitutional law. She is a woman of many talents and really big hair.