According to Pat Roberts, the President’s controversial domestic surveillance program is “legal, necessary, and reasonable.â€? Well, hey, if it’s good enough for ol’ Pat… But wait a minute. Who is this guy? Some quickie research reveals that Mr. Roberts is the junior senator from the fine state of Kansas and is currently serving as chair (though footstool might be more apt) of the Senate Intelligence Committee. He is a lifelong Republican (no big shock there) and was elected overwhelmingly by his fellow Kansans in 2002, easily defeating his Democratic rival, Blank-Space-on-the-Ballot. You see, no one really opposed Pat in the 2002 election, Democrats apparently being as scarce in Kansas as coastline or soul food restaurants. Mr. Roberts, who is often confused for televangelist Pat Robertson (and not just because they both failed to receive a holiday greeting card from Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez), has a background in journalism and is, therefore, eminently qualified to render legal opinions. Fashion opinions, too, as it turns out. He recently said to his pal, President Bush, “that’s a cute-looking blue tie you have.â€? He then strongly encouraged the leader of the free world to put a purple tie on instead. Pat will turn 70 on his next birthday, on April 20, the same day that Adolf Hitler was born. (Okay, in all fairness, it’s also Carmen Electra’s birthday. Go figure.)