I don’t know if you have received your latest issue of Kidney International, but there is an article in it that could mean big bucks for you. In the article—as reported by BBC News—“two U.S. doctors have suggested the sale of organs such as kidneys should be legalised to meet the rising demand.â€? Yes, folks, apparently there is no end to the aspirations of those who suckle at the teat of our free market economy. I can see it now. Lungs and retinas for sale on E-Bay. “Kidneys for KA$Hâ€? kiosks on the Las Vegas strip. Banks accepting body parts as collateral for loans. Cash-strapped towns and cities trafficking in organs to avoid insolvency. (Sadly, as reported in ZNet, a village in India recently offered to do just that.) What is this world coming to? Organ shortages aside, why would anyone propose such an idea, which so clearly would exploit the poorest of the poor? It makes no sense. Unless…

It’s a terrorist plot! Think about it. Those most likely to avail themselves of the opportunity to sell an organ—i.e., the economically disenfranchised—are the very same folks the U.S. military recruits so heavily from. Last year, the Washington Post reported that “many of today’s recruits are financially strapped, with nearly half coming from lower-middle-class to poor households.� If these potential recruits were to sell a kidney instead of enlisting, the ranks of the military would be decimated. As it currently stands, even if a draft were reinstated, anyone who had sold a body part would be medically disqualified from military service, leaving only the more affluent segments of society to recruit from. And you know what a ruckus those folks would raise. What an insidious plot these nephrologists have hatched! And is it any coincidence that the editor of Kidney International, Qais Al-Awqati, is originally from Iraq?!?

Okay, in fairness, I don’t really believe that there is a terrorist plot. Those loonies have neither the patience nor the subtlety for such a scheme. And I would expect that Dr. Al-Awqati is as repelled by violence and suffering as any in his profession. No doubt the authors of the aforementioned article are merely being intentionally provocative so as to raise awareness of the very real problem of organ shortages. I just hope that they can convince the crack investigators at Homeland Security before they’re whisked off to Guantanamo.