According to a report in the April 1 edition of the Journal of the American Maniacal Association, researchers at the famed Lieberman Institute in Connecticut have developed an artificial spine for use in humans afflicted with the democracy-threatening disease, Spineless Bifida. In recent years, the disease has reached epidemic proportions on Capitol Hill, with dozens of politicians tranformed seemingly overnight into jelly-like invertebrates. Yesterday, several Democrats who sit on the Senate Judiciary Committee were suddenly stricken and thus unable to attend a hearing on Russ Feingold’s proposal to censure President Bush. After the hearing, Senator Feingold, who appears immune to the disease, told reporters that his “thoughts and prayers� were with his colleagues and he “fervently hoped� that the FDA would quickly approve human trials of the artificial spine. However, such trials are reportedly years away due to concerns that the spines will be rejected by their human hosts.