Today would be a good day to head for the underground bunkers, with a quick stop at the local house of worship to pray like hell. Why? “Vice President Cheney will assume the presidency on an acting basis today when President Bush undergoes general anesthesia for a routine colon examination.” So for a period of “about 2 1/2 hours” the fate of the world will be in the hands of a man who possesses the ethics of Lucifer with none of the modesty. As this window of opportunity opens for Cheney, simultaneous with Bush’s rearview window, several questions beg asking:

• Will the Veep pop in a Beach Boys CD and then bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran?
• Will Congressional Democrats and other critics of Cheney suddenly find themselves occupying “luxury” suites at Guantanamo?
• Will the President’s doctors locate the long-sought-after WMD’s? Or an al-Qaeda cell?
• If any polyps are found, will they automatically be given executive privilege?
• Will Mr. Bush “accidentally” slip into a vegetative state? If so, will anybody notice the difference?
• Given the President’s historical difficulty with the English language, will his colon prove to be an error of punctuation?

Stay tuned. And pray…pray like you’ve never prayed before!