NPR’s Dave Davies interviews author Bruce Weber about the life of an umpire. What jumps out from all the other fascinating facts (whole transcript here) is the umpire’s technique for conflict resolution…

Mr. WEBER: Well, the thing about umpires and arguments is that an umpire goes against his instincts as a human being. Most people, they get in an argument, and they try to win it, but an umpire’s job is not to win the argument, it’s to end the argument.

If the guy just wants to come out and yell and scream, you fold your arms, and you let him yell and scream a little bit, and then you say okay, okay, you’ve had your say. That’s enough. If he keeps going – you know, you sort of have to read your opponent.

If he starts kicking dirt on you, well you know, get off the dirt and onto the grass where there isn’t any dirt to kick. If he wants to go nose to nose with you and start yelling and screaming, don’t let him do it if he’s chewing tobacco.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. WEBER: Don’t let him get his don’t let him get the bill of his cap underneath the bill of yours because as he bobs his head, he’ll be knocking you in the forehead with it. I mean, these are – and in the end, don’t do things like bait him. Don’t try to get the last word in. Don’t insult him. You know, don’t do anything that is going to perpetuate the argument.

I’m impressed with the combination of nonviolence and subtle physical self-defense moves. Ever had to talk someone down? I have. The best fight is the one that doesn’t happen.