More in today’s papers about the debate over legal abortion. I want to post a link to a column in last week’s New York Times, written by a woman who chose to have a baby and release him for adoption.

There’s happiness and sorrow in the story. It’s not a simple story, and not finished until everyone’s life has run its course. There’s an ad campaign out with the slogan ‘abortion changes you’. Usually it does, as does childbirth, motherhood, adoption and other life events. It’s easy to judge what other people ‘should’ do or ‘should’ feel when you bear none of the consequences. But each woman has her own individual story.

Let me give an example. I was spending an afternoon in a health clinic to learn some nursing skills and a patient in her 40’s came in to be checked out for missed menstrual periods. A simple urine test provided the answer. ‘Should I tell her?’ asked the nurse.
The woman went into the exam room with the doctor. She emerged radiant.

She was as thrilled as if she had won the lottery. She and her boyfriend had given up on the hope of being parents and this was an unexpected blessing.

It’s just to say, you can’t assume how such an event will affect a woman and her family.

An unexpected pregnancy can be a blessing, or a responsibility that a woman accepts. An unwanted pregnancy is a crisis. There’s no way out that won’t change you. That’s why I love the phrase ‘responsible sexual behavior’. We should have more of that.

I think that Americans don’t really want to make abortion illegal, or even more restrictive when it’s themselves or a friend in special personal circumstances that is not like the rest. It’s always that, you know. I think that then they want it to be safe, legal and dignified.

I do think that Americans want some public acknowledgment that matters of abortion, pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood are profound decisions. Americans want responsible sexual behavior. We don’t want abortion to be the primary method of birth control as if we were some destitute country without access to contraceptives.

We are yet to find a meeting place for people of good will to work together to reduce unwanted pregnancies and provide real support to women in making their decisions.

I think a place to start would be offering more support to adoption. A tax break is not enough. Sentimentalism is not enough. As long as American children remain in institutional care for lack of adoptive parents we are not doing enough. Releasing a child for adoption is not a simple choice without consequences, pretending otherwise is dishonest. Birth mothers deserve recognition.

And such a choice should not, as it has been in the past, be coerced. The choice to continue a pregnancy at all should not be coerced. It’s a complex and life-changing decision. Respect the woman herself to make that decision.