Like a randy fellow on the prowl in the waning hours before closing time, the U.S. military appears to be growing increasingly desperate for recruits and lowering their standards in the process. The following news item comes courtesy of the Boston Globe:

With more than 2,200 dead and 16,700 wounded, and a large percentage of Americans disapproving of the war in Iraq, the US military is struggling to meet its recruiting goals. With little fanfare, the Army has eased enlistment restrictions, allowing soldiers previously considered too heavy, too old, too sickly, or too uneducated to head off to basic training.

In January, the enlistment age for active-duty Army recruits was raised from 35 to 40. Late last year, a key drug test for recent use of marijuana was softened. Last fall, a high school equivalency program was put in place for high school dropouts. And last spring, a ban on childhood asthmatics was removed.

But in a country where the rate of teenage obesity climbed from 5 percent to 16 percent over the last 30 years, perhaps the most significant revision is a loophole that allows recruits who are too heavy to meet weight or body fat limits to take the fitness test anyway.

Apparently, when “a few good men� won’t do, a few chubby, stoned dropouts will. But, then again, cannon fodder is cannon fodder. Why be picky? In fairness to the military, though, they have not completely abandoned their high standards. They are looking for a few good sharks. That’s right, sharks. As reported yesterday in the online edition of The Independent, “military scientists in the United States are developing a way of manipulating sharks by remote control to turn them into underwater spies or weapons. Engineers funded by the Pentagon have created electronic brain implants for fish that they hope will be able to influence the movement of sharks and perhaps even decode what they are sensing.� Rumor has it that the Navy is about to begin a new marketing campaign geared specifically to oceanic recruits, using the slogan: “Take A Bite Out Of Terrorism.� It should all go swimmingly.