• Why senior staff members at the Securities and Exchange Commission, who were found to be “surfing Internet pornography when they should have been policing the financial system,” weren’t satisfied with viewing the naked greed of bankers screwing the American people?

• Whether Senator John McCain, who is facing “a tough primary challenge from former radio-talk-show host and blowhard congressman J. D. Hayworth,” was actually the recipient of “the world’s first full-face transplant”?

• If privacy is, like, so 20th century?

• How it came to be that Jon Stewart, the satiric host of The Daily Show, demonstrates greater journalistic daring and integrity than much of the mainstream media?

• Now that Archie comics will feature a gay character, whether Batman and Robin will come clean about their relationship?

• Why my three cats (two of whom are shown below) fail to understand the concept of the weekend and insist on meowing and scratching at my bedroom door at 5:30 in the morning?