Although it may sound preposterous or paranoid, I would be willing to bet that the Department of Homeland Security has considered the possibility that the terrorists are behind the recent E. coli outbreak. Because the next best thing to hijacking an airplane and flying it into a skyscraper is defecating repeatedly in a field of spinach. And then sitting back and watching with amusement as the infidel Americans fall violently ill or grow dangerously weak from the deprivation of an important source of iron, calcium, and other nutrients. No doubt the terrorists hatched this cunning scheme after viewing training films featuring Popeye. When you think about it, a lot of these yahoos do resemble Bluto.