Just Say NO to Telemarketers

One of the blessings of menopause is hostility. I used to pray for happiness for all sentient beings. Now all sentient beings get on my nerves. And I’m finding myself saying ‘no’ with an ease and finality that I never had before. I was nice. No more.

This week I bit the head off an unsolicited caller before he told me he was from my church and looking for ushers for this week’s service. That’s embarrassing. I hope he found an usher, and I won’t arrive Sunday to find the place usherless.

Just now my phone rang, a sexy, young, female voice asking for my husband. I had some questions before I woke him from his well-earned sleep after working the night shift–

“Who’s calling?”
“Tiffany.”
“Tiffany who?”
“Tiffany Tyson.”
“Do we know a Tiffany Tyson? Where are you calling from?”
“That’s okay, I’ll just call back later.”
“Wait!, don’t hang up…”

Too late. I was going to tell Tiffany to take us off the list. These magic words oblige them to stop calling within–I don’t know, six weeks, three months, something like that. If they continue to call they can be fined. I’ll bet they’re shaking in their boots over that. Our phone traffic has reached a critical point where most of the callers are telemarketers.

I only wish the conversation with Tiffany had gone differently, something like this–

“Well, Tiffany, I’ve had enough of your calls, and lipstick stains, and blonde hairs on my pillow. This is the last straw. I’m getting my shotgun out of the shed, and when I’m done with him, I’m coming after you. It’s only a matter of time, Tiffany. You can run, but you can’t hide.”

Perhaps it’s for the best. I know Tiffany was probably calling for the Veteran’s Ten Percent Fund (ten percent of proceeds go to veterans), or selling re-insurance for vacuum cleaner warranties or something. People have to make a living, and the telemarketers are trying to pass themselves off as friends. My husband is a kind man. That’s why whenever the phone rings he hands it to Dragon Lady.

I actually was one of the annoying phone people during the last election, and people were amazingly nice. But then, most of the numbers I called were screening. Telemarketers, I have nothing against you, I hope you find an easier job, take me off your list. Goodbye.

3 thoughts on “Just Say NO to Telemarketers

  1. we have our three year old grandaughter answer telemarketer calls when she’s staying with us.She drives them nuts-haha.

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