Dreaming Fox News

Fox News was on this morning. They said the Federal Reserve was putting up $100,000 to buy the Kramden’s mortgage.

“This isn’t an unsecured loan,� said Ben Bernanke. “We’re taking the house as collateral. It’s our guiding principle to let the markets regulate themselves and let people and institutions take responsibility for their choices, but this is a special case.�

“The Kramden’s house is situated on a lot that borders a block ravaged by foreclosure. A vacancy here will invite vandalism and demoralize the remaining homeowners. The whole neighborhood could crash. Additionally, the Kramdens have ten children.�

“Ten children!� cried Brit Hume, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “What a beautiful thing!�

“Yes�, choked Greta Van Susteren, “Sarah Palin mailed the family a box of frozen mooseburgers in solidarity.�

“God– she’d make an awesome Fox newscaster, she should have her own show.â€? They beamed for a moment.

We have Alice Kramden on camera now–

“Ralph wanted to be here but he’s driving the bus today. We just want everyone to know that we don’t consider this a handout. For the last two years we have been paying interest only on our mortgage. With the 11% interest rate we will be paying now we hope that we will have enough of the principle paid off to get a conventional loan in five years. And we want to thank Sarah for the mooseburgers, we were going to give Spot to the pound because we couldn’t afford to feed him.�

Then the story switched to a kid who had put most of her tuition on credit cards and was living in a cardboard box while still attending classes. Before she could speak I was jolted by a screeching alarm. I woke up and remembered that I never watch Fox News, so I put on my glasses, and got up to get a cup of coffee.


2 thoughts on “Dreaming Fox News

  1. Funny,I was dreaming I was entangled in a bureaucratic mess at an IRS office and was dealing with an incredibly rude receptionist while having to pay $20 an hour to park near the building-i can’t say “where”I was,but it wasn’t Providence.
    How ridiculous,that could never happen in REAL life. :))

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